If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
