when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
