I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pooping to opera.
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