Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
