I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
