I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How does one acquire holy water?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
