So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
