i think i have two assholes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
