I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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