youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
where am i from again
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
