I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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