i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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