I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize