There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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