Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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