She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
