feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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