I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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