Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
