This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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