is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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