Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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