I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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