He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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