Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
