he thought i was a dude.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
