i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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