HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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