Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
