I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
dude. I can hear the air.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
