i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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