Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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