im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
