she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
