it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
They took my balls.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i think my cat just said my name.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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