She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
