I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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