Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i out mim tonsoeep
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
