i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I AM VODKA MAN
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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