At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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