Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
