somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
