I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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