His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
