Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
