He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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