we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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