that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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