He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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