And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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