I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
