Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
