Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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