Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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