I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
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You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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