Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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