My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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