I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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