Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
