2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
