My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
