i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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