no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
