DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
