Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
