Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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