If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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