Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
