tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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