Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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