I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
